Eloquence

I arrived at the Smelly Product Company to load smelly product, I was told to "Go down there, somewhere, and someone will find you".

So I went down there somewhere and someone did, indeed, find me. He was a tall, skinny, Asian looking lad and seemed terribly polite and anxious to please. Unfortunately, as I don't know how to speak the Asian dialect he spoke with, there is some poetic licence in the following story, below.

I said, "GerDay. Owyagoinmate?"

He said something that sounded like "Vervoovom hoonk".

I kind of figured we were off to a flying start (particularly after my …. discussion the night before with Nincompoop), so I said to old Asian mate "What's the order for?"

He "Verhoonkook vas".

Right! This is gonna be good.

"Can I see the order, please"?

"Ooonsink kwoaw" – but he handed the loading slip over.

"I see. It says 29 Tonne here, mate, but the customer has only room for about 25 Tonne, so I have been told to only pick up 25 Tonnes"

"Fookaw hoowow zonk".

I figured that we would work it out with sign language – eventually. Now, I only wanted about 9 or 10 Tonne (18,000 – 20,000 Lbs) in the truck and the residue in the dog, thus riding a bit better and saving smoke off the trailer tyres on braking. So I am watching my air gauges and when I reasoned they were high enough I said to old mate that "That'll do, mate"!

He must have thought I meant he needed to put more product in the front of the front tub. It took 10 minutes of throat slitting gestures and holding my hand up and every other possible sequence of hand signals I could think of to get him to stop – with the truck now well and truly …….. suffice to say it had an elegant sufficiency.

I figured I best be labouring the point regarding the 25 Tonnes.

"Mate" I really need to only load 25 Tonnes".

"Fookaw hoowow zonk".

So I then counted out up to 25 … individually on my fingers.

"Ahhhhh! Hoog zagoo fonk".

Anyway, in the end, despite the fact that he seemed to know enough of English to fill a thimble and I know absolutely nothing of his yabbering, we did manage to get the weights spot on. I think this is indicative of the fact that he really was very good at his job, but that we had a wee bit of communication breakdown.

So I drive the 2 hours to the customer at the Stinky Stock Feed Suppliers, drive onto the weighbridge and the young fulla says, "GerDay Indy. Haven't seen you for a while. Whaderyagot on?"

"Product X"

"Ahhhh! How much yer got fer me?"

"25 ½ Tonne."

"Schnitzenkrugen. We can only fit about 20 – possibly 22 maximum – and only then if we are empty. If the augur stops, just come into the control room and tell one of the blokes and we will make alternative arrangements"

Great!

So, I unload the dog – no worries. I get all the truck unloaded except for about 2 Tonne and – you guessed it – the auger stops.

"Ay, mate. The screw isn't screwing anymore," said I.

"It must be married", says old mate.

"I think the silo's full", says I.

"Nah! You've blocked it up on me", says he. "You're gonna have to climb up there and unblock it".

"Like hell".

So he re-sets the circuit breaker.

Guess what happens when you re-set a circuit breaker on a auger drive that is choked because it is full? You got it right! It stuffs the whole show.

I mentioned again that it was full. I was again ignored. The young bloke who initially started me off returned, confirmed my assessment, but said that since ol' mate had jammed the whole job, bad luck for me.

Thus I had a discussion with the Big Boss of the Stinky Stockfeed Supplies and, eventually, we tipped what was left and left it piled up on the pit – which should have been plan "A" and should have already applied – 2 hours previously.

Such is trucking.

PS. I fell asleep writing this so if it looks disjointed it probably is because it is!!