Sub note to Terry: - I have already posted this and the next one, as you know, elsewhere on your site, but the lessons are so valid I think I will re-run them here as a blog! :-)

(Sub Titled Directions 101)

To "B" Or Not To "B" (Double)

GerDay All,

Directions, or more correctly, the directions given to you by SOME customers. Don't you love it?

This is a (true) story about a certain b-double driver in the tipper game who now drives quad dogs. This isn't WHY he chooses NOT to drive doubles, but occurances like this and similar have gone a long way to convincing said driver that they (b-doubles) are just way too big a pain in the aaarrrrse. Names have been changed to protect the innocent and the not so innocent!!!

Dialled the customer's number.

RING RING

CUSTOMER: "Hello. Farmer Brown speaking". (Very slow drawl here - visions of straws in mouths, eating apples through tennis raquets and Dueling Banjos immediately jumped into the driver's mind. More especially because it was up in them thar hills)!

DRIVER: "GerDay mate. How are ya goin'? This is Joe Bloggs from the Routine Tipper Service. I gotta load of Superfect for ya, mate. Now, I am driving a 25 metre B-double and I am at Bidelonia. How do I get to yer place from here, please, mate"?

CUSTOMER: "Ow mutchya got orn, mate"?

DRIVER: "43 tonnes. I can't deliver it, though, unless you tell me how to find you".

CUSTOMER: "That's orrrrright, mate".

DRIVER: "So. How do I get there"?

CUSTOMER: "Ahhhhh. Right! Well yer drive East outta town fer about 10 en then ya turn orf".

LONG PAUSE

DRIVER: "Ten what and which way"?

CUSTOMER: "Ay"?

DRIVER: "I drive out of town to the East for 10. 10 what? Minutes? Miles? Kilometres?"

CUSTOMER: "Aw. Right" .

PAUSE

CUSTOMER: "It ud be about 10 mile, I reckon".

DRIVER: "Thanks. We're gettin' somewhere now. Which way"?

CUSTOMER: "Ay"?

DRIVER: "Which way do I turn"?

CUSTOMER: "Aw. Right".

DRIVER: "Right"?

CUSTOMER: "Yeah. Right, right".

And so it went on for 15 minutes. The last sentence from the farmer was :-

CUSTOMER: "Now that road's pretty narrer and if yer come to a little bridge yer've gorn too fer by about 5 miles and yer'll have ter back up a bit".

DRIVER: "I'm in a b-double".

CUSTOMER: "Yeah".

(Isn't it funny how they tell you what you will see when you've gone too far but no land mark just BEFORE the new directive?)

DRIVER: "Are you sure it's a b-double route".

CUSTOMER: "Yer".

PAUSE

DRIVER: "You had a b-double there before"?

CUSTOMER: "Yer".

DRIVER: "Righto. I am on my way".

Phone goes clunk in his ear. These hillbillies don't go much on good byes!

So out heads our intrepid driver, following the directions PRECISELY. That last road sure is narrow. In fact it is just 2 wheel tracks in amongst the trees (and I mean state forest type trees - thick as), in the grass. You get the drift. He decides to ring farmer.

RING RING

CUSTOMER: "Yer lorst?"

DRIVER: "Nah! Are you sure this is a b-double route"?

CUSTOMER: "Yer".

SILENCE

DRIVER: "Okay. I will keep coming."

CUSTOMER: "Right."

CLUNK of phone.

It turns out it is a b-double route of sorts - for log trucks!

Driver gets to the gate, eventually, and discovers that you would be flat out getting a single through the gate way. Rings farmer.

RING RING

CUSTOMER: "Yer"?

DRIVER: "Mate. You better come down here. I am at your gate and there's no way in hell I am gonna get through it."

CUSTOMER: "Right".

CLUNK

10 minutes later farmer arrives.

CUSTOMER: "Aw, sheet. We never had a b-double as big as that before"!

Turns out that he had previously only ever had quad dogs! Thus driver had to double unhook on the "road" - you know, this great b-double track in the grass, between the trees. Since he couldn't leave the b trailer on the road for long, it meant a quadruple unhook. You know. Drop b. Take a in. Drop a. Pick up b. Unhook b as a is sinking. Hook on to a, unload (up a bloody auger that was as slow as). Drop a. Hook on to b. You work the rest out.

Then boss rings.

Boss: "What took you so long"?

DRIVER: "*&^@^%$#T@*&^#%$#&%^$@& ^%#(**&% and other naughty words"

Don't you just love directions?

Kindest Regards

Indy